Is Jesus an NBA Fan?

April 19, 2010

As I found myself at work, awake in the hours they call “wee” on Sunday morning I started to think “Does Jesus know that I’m going to be too tired to attend church because the Lakers went into overtime?” “I wonder if he watched the game?”.

I posted it on Twitter and lots of folks had an opinion about it. Because I work for the league and basketball is indeed my favorite sport I automatically assume Jesus HAS to be a basketball fan. Why wouldn’t he be?

A friend of mine (who is a football manic) said according to Jerry Jones God is a football fan. That’s why he built the hole in the Texas Stadium so that God could watch his favorite team on Sundays. Jerry Jones is a drunk with loose lips, so on to the next one.

Here are my reasons why Jesus is an NBA fan:

  • We have a player named after him Ray Allen  a.k.a Jesus Shuttlesworth
  • Dwight Howard wanted to put a cross on the NBA logo when being scouted by NBA teams. “to make sure that everybody hears the truth about God.”
  • David Robinson came crusading for Jesus in the NBA before Superman
  • Also Marc Gasol a.k.a Baby Jesus, the resemblance is scary.

    Marc Gasol is the spitting image of Jesus

  • We have another player who is named after his favorite book “King James”
  • Every night our players soar into the heavens try to get closer to The Man himself
  • We don’t abuse the whole Sunday game thing.
  • We embrace the Holy Trinity with “The Big Three”. Not just with the Celtics but we are always looking for Big 3 on a team
  • 40 games in 40 nights…. Jesus was a fan of making floods and things last that long.
  • J.R. Smith’s Black Jesus Tattoo
  • “The Basketball Jesus”- Larry Bird.. nuff said

So you  see, the NBA has to be Jesus’ favorite sport. I’m sure him a God love chillin’ and watching an ESPN Sunday game. I think he also understands when I have to work on Sunday or I’m exhausted from a double OT the night before.  Any more reasons you can think of why The Big Guy would love the NBA?  Who do you think he roots for? Let me hear it.

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Bitter Basketball Broads

April 15, 2010

The new VH1 show “Basketball Wives” is a travashamockery. I set my DVR to watch this nonsense and woke up the next morning only to have my entire day ruined by this sitcom. Can I please have that hour of my life back?

I don’t know what I was more offended by, the self-important, wanna-be somebody women or the horrible production of the show. I don’t like my intelligence insulted by poor cuts and shotty soundtracks or blingy broads complaining about how hard life “used to be”

Used to be is the key word in all this because most of these women are not even with the basketball players anymore. Only one is happily married and the other is in the process of getting divorced. The rest of them are yesterday’s news printed on a tabloid at the bottom of my cat’s litter box. Straight up garbage. Basura.

They are teaching girls that if you want the bling, nice shoes, nice car and more go find you a golden penis, sit on it for a few years and it will turn into the good life. You can even start your own business with a lil startup money from the golden penis of course.

The wives want to show that there is more to their lives besides luxury hotels, clubbing, eating, drinking and shopping. Well how about you show yourselves doing more than oh… clubbing, eating, drinking and shopping. Just a suggestion.

Why didn’t they get LaLa Vasquez (Carmelo Anthony’s wife) or Eva Longoria (Tony Parker’s wife) on the show? You know why… because they are real self-made women with lives and careers before their men. And they also know their role. Fall back lil mommas.

The show is a bitch-fest run by the God Mother, Shaunie O’Neal. I’m sure the women have great personalities and drive but it is sure not shown on this show.

Basketball wives is a bitch fest ran by the God Mother, Shaunie O'Neal

OH and SHAQ AIN’T HAVING IT!

According to AOL Black Voices, Shaq and his lawyer folk will shut down Basketball Wives if he gets bashed in the show. According to the couples divorce agreement, Shaunie is not supposed to take part in any book, movie or TV deals that mention Shaq. Basketball Wives violates this as she is getting TV revenge and in the first episode talking about his infidelities. In a letter written to VH1, Shaq’s lawyers instruct the network to stop airing the show after April 14th.

So if Shaq Daddy has his way I won’t have to put up with anymore of this nonsense on my TV screen or on the blogosphere.

Also, Dwight Howard nipped that in the behind before the show started. His babymomma Royce (seen here getting low, low low by the pool) cannot even mention his name or be referred to as his ex. She is just labeled as a former dancer on the show. DAYUM GINA! Superman II got it on lock. Shaq should take a lesson.

Yeah players may cheat and your marriage wasn’t ideal but please know your role ladies. Marriage woes, even when it’s over, should be something that is kept between you and the man. Do not air your dirty laundry in front of the whole world. A) It will be hard to get another man to trust you. I mean who wants to think they will end up on blast like Shaq. B) It just looks sloppy.

Carry on.

Just read a Tweet that said if Basketball Wives proves successful for VH1, Football Wives is on the way…stop the madness.

From the Gumby to the Mohawk, Brandon Jennings has taken his hair on a fashion rollercoaster. (Jennifer Pottheiser/NBAE via Getty Images)

MY NEWEST ARTICLE ON NBA.COM

Senior superlatives were a pretty big deal in high school. They were your chance to be immortalized in the yearbook forever. Or just a chance to gain cool point before prom. The NBA is like a mini high school filled with bullies, cool kids, jocks and weirdoes, so here is a slight twist on the NBA End of the Season awards, done yearbook style.

zaza_inline.jpg

Best Dressed: ZaZa Pachulia

Don’t sleep on this GQ Georgian. I’ve spent lots of time around the Atlanta Hawks and I’ve seen Armani suits sit very nicely on his 6-foot-9 frame. You can also catch him in some Kanye West-ish glasses walking into the arena. His style is very versatile and suits his new home in the Hollywood of the South. The fact that most don’t expect this European to have style is exactly why I picked him.
Runner up: Dwyane Wade

Biggest Flirt: LeBron James

James is flirting with the entire city of New York and playing with their emotions. With every Yankee game he attends wearing a Yankee cap and every appearance he makes with Jay-Z, New Yorkers fall more in love with the idea that he could be a Knick in 2010. LeBron is a big ol’ tease just like the head cheerleader. Hit the showers, New York.
Runner Up: Chris Bosh

Teacher’s Pet: Stephen Curry

Coach Don Nelson is so anti-rookie that in 2008 he was quoted as saying the reason he was not playing his rookies was because the team was focused on the making the Playoffs. So to be a rookie who gets playing time under Nelson you have to be a major brown nose or extremely special. I know Curry is the latter. With his NBA breeding and sharpshooter mentality, how could a coach not love him? Since joining the pros, he has learned to put aside his shoot-first mentality and distribute the ball as an NBA guard should. Also with that baby face, how could you not love him? (Yeah I had a girl moment. Sue me.)

Most Athletic: Nate Robinson

This was a tough category. I didn’t know whether to go with the most athletic looking guy, the man with the most hops or the man who could kick anyone’s butt in a decathlon. Since NBA.com is your house of hoops and hops, I went with two-time slam dunk champion Nate Robinson. At his height, a generous 5-foot-9, he shouldn’t be able to do the things he does on a nightly basis. Seeing his impish figure fly through the air is why we all love this game. It’s why we all thought we could still play in the league when we stopped growing. The little man has no fear going into middle up against the most imposing figures in the league and scoring. He’s also good for taking perimeter shots (sometimes not wise ones), but taking them anyway. His little engine that could mentality, jet packs in his shoes and providing hope for vertically challenged varsity guards everywhere is all you need in my book. Worddaapp (as Nate would say).
Runner up: Dwight Howard

Best Dancer: LeBron James

Who can forget LeBron’s sideline jig during the Bulls game that got Joakim Noah fired up.
Runner Up: Tony Allen

Most Team Spirit: Cavs Bench

“I heard you got to go to training camp three weeks early just to learn the handshakes.” That line from the Nike MVPuppets commercial sums it all up. There is no team that has bonded over pregame rituals more than the Cleveland Cavaliers. From saluting the general to the Shogun bows, the Cavs have brought the pregame handshake to a whole new level. Also the enthusiasm they show on the bench during the game is almost just as good as their play. Standing up, holding each other back and giving “The Stink Face” on a dunk, it’s perfect NBA theatre courtesy of the bench.

Worst Case of Senioritis: Boston Celtics

Put three aging veterans on your team and they grab a championship their first year. For the rest of their days they will be sitting on the porch, smelling of Ben Gay telling stories of the days they won it all. Then they will slowly go to the big hardwood court in the sky. The C’s record has been on a steady decline since the championship season. They have also dropped one spot in the East postseason standing since last season. They still have an occasional showing of old-man strength, like last week’s game where Ray Allen put away the Cavaliers with six 3-pointers. But on a whole, the Celtics are past their expiration date and may very well be spoiled after a first-round exit this postseason.
Runner up: San Antonio Spurs

Best Hair: Brandon Jennings

The rook brought back the Gumby and the Bobby Brown fade. Enough said. He is giving kids an education in music and styles that were cool before they were born. When your hair is capable of educating the youth, you earn a spot in the golden barbershop chair. Respectful bow to you Mr. Jennings. Respectful bow.
Runner up: Ron Artest

Class Clown: J.R. Smith’s driver

J.R. Smith’s driver, a former ball boy for the Denver Nuggets, thought it would be a great April Fool’s joke to fill Kenyon Martin’s Range Rover, which has white interior, with buttered popcorn. After discovering the kernel surprise, Martin went on a tirade throughout the locker room, and threatened not to play in the Playoffs. Great joke J.R. Smith’s driver, but that probably wasn’t the best person to play it on.
Runner up: Shaquille O’Neal

Most Likely to Succeed: Tyreke Evans

He may very well be your Rookie of the Year. His lack of national TV coverage and a sub-par team are the only things holding him back. This man-child, who is listed at guard but is built more like a power forward, is a franchise player and consistent scorer for the Kings. He is the leading scorer amongst rookies and 51 points from finishing the season with a 20-5-5 line. Michael Jordan, Oscar Robertson and LeBron James are the only other players to post 20-5-5 as rookies. This kid is in good company.
Runner up: Stephen Curry

Cutest Couple: Amar’e Stoudemire/ Steve Nash

So Nash and Stoudemire standing in prom photo fashion may not be cute but the duo is definitely one of the best point guard/ big man combos in the league. With Nash leading the league in assists, it’s pretty easy for Stoudimire to flourish in the middle. Amar’e owns the paint and is amongst the NBA’s top 10 in total points. He also embarrasses folks on a weekly basis with sick dunks like this one. A pass-first PG with an athletic high-flying center. It doesn’t get any better.
Runner Up: Jason Kidd/Dirk Nowitzki

From Zero to Hero: Oklahoma City Thunder

They moved 2,000 miles, had no real practice facility and scored a GM who knew little about managing a team in a town that knew even less about basketball. The Thunder also flirted with disaster by tying the franchise’s record 14-game losing streak. Just one season later they have clinched a playoff position in the tight Western Conference race and the OKC boys are schooling veteran teams around the league. Tiger Woods can take a key from the Thunder. This is how you make a comeback.
Runner Up: Aaron Brooks

Adena Andrews is an interactive producer for NBA.com. You can follow her here on Twitter.

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The Many Faces of Me

April 9, 2010

A small slide show of me at work and at play. Sometimes they are one in the same. Enjoy!

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She’s a good reporter for a girl.

Only reason she got the job is because she is pretty.

She’s just a groupie.

Do me a favor and stop with the nonsense. I report and work in sports and I have a vagina. Yes I said it, vah-gih-nah. This makes me no less capable at my job than the bearded brother with the external gonads. It also doesn’t mean I deserve any less respect. MMMkkkay? You should not pretend to hump me in the locker room, you shouldn’t massage my shoulders before the game (unless I ask you to) and you certainly shouldn’t question my gangsta.

Me doing my job. Chasing my dreams, in 3 inch heels. There's no other way.

It seems since I’ve gotten older I’ve started to learn that I’m a GIRL in Sports. When I was 19  at Sports Illustrated for Kids I just felt like another snot nose intern trying to get some quotes in the locker room. Dressing in whatever clothes my mom picked out for me. Now I’m 24 with a lil more curves and demeanor about professional myself and I’m  looked at as a conquest by some dudes in my field, an outsider and/or just another pretty face.  I’m reminded at least once a week that I’m a GIRL in SPORTS.

Example: I’ve been at NBA.com for 3 years and someone had the nerve to ask me if I REALLY know basketball. You think I been putting on my makeup at ’till 3 am every night while watching the games? Or maybe I’m checking out how delicious the boys look in their shorts. C’Mon Son.

Another sports girlfriend of mine was accused of being a groupie because she has such a passion for the game and it’s players. Yeah she’s a groupie…. a groupie with a tape recorder and a press pass. Public Relations departments give groupies press passes all the time!

Erin Andews is the perfect example of this. She worked hard to get to the sidleines of ESPN’s college football broadcast and because she’s a got a pretty face folks think they can smash her character. Now the girl has a stalker and is receiving death threats. Something a man in her field would never have to deal with. (I dont’ think her risky spread in a magazine helped though.)

But because we are GIRLS in Sports we know how to play the game. We know we can’t blow the whistle with every hug that a co-worker tries to give us. Or with every “you have great legs” comment that comes from a colleague. We know how to disarm you with a smile and the go in for the kill. We also know how to give you the “Now you know better and don’t let that ‘ish happen again.” look and be on our way.

Shout out to the men in my field who don’t just treat me like one of the boys or just like a lady. But just like me.

And shout out to the ladies that are doing it big in the game and making it look so damn good!

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Sleepy Suns

April 8, 2010

Sleepy Suns on the plane. This is why I love this game

Jason Richardson caught a candid photo of his teammates resting on the plane after a win in San Antonio. Check out Barbosa in the back.

I ❤ this game.

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My first blog post on NPR’s “Tell Me More Blog“. It’s my take on Tiger Wood’s commercial featuring his dead dad’s voice.

Support ya girl! Hopefully, there will be more to come.

Dear Tiger: Shut Up And Play Ball

Tiger Woods is better than you and always will be. Yes, he is human and fallible, but he’s still capable of annihilating the entire golf world with just a few strokes.

He also has another mean “stroke” where he can kick your butt and take your girl on just three hours of sleep and a Red Bull. Don’t act like you didn’t already know.

A series of raunchy text messages and a slick porn star can’t undo what this man has accomplished. That’s exactly what Nike and the marketing geniuses at Wieden+Kennedy, wanted you to feel from the 30-second minimalist — yet creepy — ad that debuted on the eve of the 2010 Masters Golf Tournament, Tiger’s comeback stage.

With each word that his father Earl Woods (whose voice eerily resembles Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.) spoke, I forgave Tiger for each of his infidelities.

At the 15-second mark I had forgotten about the Perkins restaurant waitresses, the 21-year-old neighbor and the porn star.

By the end of the commercial, I was ready to see him put on that Masters green jacket and pump his fist, so that I could share some tears on the phone with my daddy. It was just that moving.

Say what you want about Tiger, he is still “The Man,” and Nike proved that in 30 seconds.

Lips are zipped and so are Tiger’s pants. Let’s shut up and play ball.

The greens are freshly mowed in Augusta and it’s time to let Tiger do what he does best: Be the Masters’ master.

Guest blogger Adena Andrews is a sports and entertainment reporter based in Atlanta. Follow her on Twitter (www.twitter.com/aainthea)

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